So its been a while since I have posted on my blog. I am going to try and update it as much as possible. I have been super busy lately! Im done recording my album, just mixing it now. Sounds pretty good I think! I hope everyone gets to hear it. I had to take a break from music for a few days. Sitting in your room 9 hours a day tracking will make you go insane at some point. I have had a good few weeks back in Texas. I also found out that I made 3 B's and 1 C+ ... wOOO!
I hope I get to spend the last few days home with my friends and family and stuff. It was good seeing everyone here, BUT i seriously can not wait to go back to cali. I also got someone to work on managing my music. Her name is Katie and my GF is going to be helping her, so with this I will be able to do a LOT more with my music. Also Katie mentioned she may get me a tryout for another band she manages called Wonderland PD, as lead singer and guitarist. They already have a guitarist but she feels like I would be a good fit. I have been wanting to branch out and play and write with another band and do live shows. They play like a classic rock, jam band, bluesy sound. That just so happens to be what I am good at.
My gf wrote me a letter and I finally got it in the mail. I love mail :-) Shes so sweet.
As far as music goes, even though Im taking a short break from it for a week or so, things are looking very promising. As far as everything else, things are going well. Been having some complications here and there dealing with mental breakdowns, but those go away in short amounts of time. I have been learning self control on how I let myself think. The only thing that sets it off that I usually have trouble controlling is when my shoulder goes through severe muscle pains. But I think with some working out back home and some stretching I can help that out. I have learned that when you leave your friends and your friends leave you, things get difficult. The people who matter to you the most aren't always going to be there, so take pride in who you love. People come and go. But, my bro's will always be here for me. One has been a little shady lately, but he is married. I guess I can understand why people start to deny me lately. I mean, I went through something very difficult for a few months. My instability showed through and I have people leave me over it, which made it worse, then I went through party phase, then I got stabbed (even though I was saving someone's life), and then I move away and develop some new personal habits with weed and cigs. I get that. I understand. The past summer and spring, I wasn't the best person to be around, but I still had a big heart and would do anything for the people I care about. Some people will never understand that about me. Yes, I have issues, don't we all? Yes, sometimes I get in different moods and modes and I go through many emotions for no reason what so ever. I have never hurt anyone because of it though. And if i ever do anything wrong, I am quick to apologize for it. Let people slander me, let them leave me, let them avoid their own friend, let them lose hope, let them think less of me. I won't let people discourage me from who I am. In many ways I have become a complete crazy person, but at the same time I am also a better person.
I don't leave room in my life for people who want to walk out of it. I have learned its better to leave people for their un-humanness than for them to judge me without knowledge of what I go through just so they can pretend like I don't exist. They can't handle me in their perfect lives, I get that. I dont blame them what so ever. Im still Blake fucking Carpenter. I still have dreams, goals, and ambitions and I will care for people more than they know. Your true friends will stay with you in situations like this, and the ones that leave... well, now we know what kind of friend they are. A conditional one. I have put those conditional friends out of my life. Call it a wall, call it a device, but it's what is has come down to. Every single day my mind slips into something deeper and darker than I can control, but I have learned to deal with it.
I may been seen as something I am not, but I am who I am. I promise you, no one could ever be like me.
Also, I have come to the conclusion that not only do some people have bigger hearts than others, but I think the same may go for souls as well. As for me, I feel like mine is so big that it gets the best of me. People with no souls or small souls will never connect with me. I'd rather keep it that way anyways. Some people are just born to be unhappy shallow individuals, that will never see anything past their own nose. Thats fine, to each their own. But I will never be one of them. I have passion, compassion, and I have a soul. That is what makes me, me.
Every single day that I don't let my thoughts and modes get the best of me, the stronger I become as a human. I go through a challenge every single day. I struggle. Thats fine. What do you struggle with? What do they struggle with? If you answer nothing, I almost feel bad for you. The hardships we go through in life happens to be what makes us good people. No matter how the world see's me, I am good. And if you see me any other way, just ask the people who matter to me. I struggle with mood swings and delusional thoughts. I am crazy, or close to it. But every good artist does this. So... once I make it in life and become what I want, if you betrayed me... don't expect a hand-me-out of my time and friendship, because it won't be there.
I am an artist. This is my life.
- Blake
